Who Does She Think She Is?

Have to see this!

I stumbled across this new film and supporting community.

http://www.whodoesshethinksheis.net/

Even the trailer rang bells loud and clear in my heart.

As a Mum I constantly bear the pressure of feeling selfish when I have to feed my soul with creativity. Isn't it enough to be just a Mum? I retrained recently in a trade... isn't that enough?

My husband always said that ever since the day he met me I seem always to be searching for something. My search ends in my studio (well my corner of the garage!) Ah how I'd love the luxury of a dedicated studio but I'm a Mum, a Wife, a Butcher,... studios are for 'real' artists. The ones with degrees, without the responsibilities of home and children. But I'm at peace, I'm not searching when I'm creating... but yes I feel guilty. Shouldn't I feel like this all time? When I'm cooking dinner and running kids to school?

And why when I submit a proposal to a gallery my first fear is that I'll be 'found out'? They will know I'm not a full time artist... they will look at me... brand me a Mum and so my art will instantly become craft in their eyes. Invalid, nothing to say, not serious enough.

By far the major problem with my work is that I have no desire to solve the worlds' problems with my art. I don't want people to spend 20 minutes 'reading' the deep and meaningful essay I have brought to life. I appreciate and admire greatly those artists that pursue this path. It is their vision and what fills the searching need in their hearts, but it is not mine. Unfortunately I find unless I have something very serious to say as a woman, then my art seems to loose a little in it's validity.

Maybe being a mother has made me delight in the everyday... rejoice in lighthearted moments... have a joke with myself... laugh. My assemblages are all about having fun with found objects... OK sometimes I do like to explore a little of the darker or serious side of life, but on the whole I create pieces that make me happy and others smile.

One thing is certain... if I do not create I can not cope with life. My darkest darkest days are those when the desire is surging strongly, my mind crammed with ideas, my hands crawling with frustration and I am unable make something. Commitment or guilt being the main reasons. I silence myself and I get on with life. But I am sad... dark... not myself at all.

I paint and my mind calms, I assemble and the magic happens and makes everything around me bright and OK, I sketch and I'm at peace.

I thought it was just me... but today I saw the trailer for "Who Does She Think She Is?" and at least for now I feel a bit of warmth in connection and strength in the fact that I'm not crazy with my unquenchable desire to create!